"Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."

This is a new page for me. A new way of thinking. It's not really that I am a new person, because that happened years ago. It's the newer version of me. I am just closer to being the real, complete, unihibited Dori. And praise God.

What opened my eyes? It is really hard to say. I had a dream of what my life would be like and I thought I could see the way God was leading me to it. Then, when that way was cut off, I gave up. I've been living in this give-up state for a couple years. But then, God cracked the door and let me catch a look at what could be. I went to Peru and it lit me up. I know that is what God made me for; I can't explain why it excites me, but it does.

Now, I'm just going through the process of letting things go. It hurts. Like my friends in Peru say, I've got an Ishmael because I couldn't wait for Isaac. And to quit being so vague and metaphorical, I just broke the relationship between me and my boyfriend. We were going to get married. We had looked at rings and I had "Dori McKain" on my cell phone. But I just know, he didn't have my whole heart. I couldn't give him what he needs as a man of God. I know that God will bless him. He has been wronged, but I have to trust him in God's hands.

I'm getting my mind and family and friends prepared for this January. I plan to leave home and live in Peru. What a freakin adventure. God, You are crazy. But You are so good.

God wants to light you up inside. Don't settle.